Do you love me for who I am? or what I can give you? Or how I can fulfill the life you never had?
I know that you are supposed to love me for me, but I feel like a fallen angel. Whatever I did shouldn't take your love away. Your love is supposed to be unconditional. My lighthouse. My pillar of strength.
All I want is for you to talk to me. Ask me how I am, not if I have been fulfilling your schedule. Ask me what I'm feeling;don't condemn me for not following your path. I used to wonder where my bitterness came from. Now I know. So many times I made myself vulnerable thinking this time it would be enough. It was all thrown back at my face. At my heart. The wounds never healed;they were constantly cut open. Now I'm calloused and cold. I have no more feeling. No more hope. I don't care. Inside I weep. I will pretend that life is enough. I mean, aren't I supposed to be grateful? But this isn't about gratefulness. This is about the need for your love.
The poison is already flowing through my blood. I am dying. To the naked eye, I am alive.Vivacious. I fit perfectly into the cookie-cutter world.
But I know that there is only one cure. Forgiveness.
No matter how much I want you to realize how much you hurt me, I know you never will. But I can't keep dying from this. It's killing everything within me. Sucking the life out, leaving gnawing pain. As much as I want to deny this, I can't. I must cut this off at the root. It must stop controlling my life and all that I am.
I forgive you. There, I said it. I don't fully mean it yet. Time. I must give myself time. It's okay that you will never know. The hurt. The years. The pain.
My heart will heal. It will learn to love, to feel, to be passionate.
I love you no matter what.
7:59 PM 0 Falling Stars
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