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Thursday, November 25, 2004

Do you love me for who I am? or what I can give you? Or how I can fulfill the life you never had?
I know that you are supposed to love me for me, but I feel like a fallen angel. Whatever I did shouldn't take your love away. Your love is supposed to be unconditional. My lighthouse. My pillar of strength.
All I want is for you to talk to me. Ask me how I am, not if I have been fulfilling your schedule. Ask me what I'm feeling;don't condemn me for not following your path. I used to wonder where my bitterness came from. Now I know. So many times I made myself vulnerable thinking this time it would be enough. It was all thrown back at my face. At my heart. The wounds never healed;they were constantly cut open. Now I'm calloused and cold. I have no more feeling. No more hope. I don't care. Inside I weep. I will pretend that life is enough. I mean, aren't I supposed to be grateful? But this isn't about gratefulness. This is about the need for your love.

The poison is already flowing through my blood. I am dying. To the naked eye, I am alive.Vivacious. I fit perfectly into the cookie-cutter world.
But I know that there is only one cure. Forgiveness.
No matter how much I want you to realize how much you hurt me, I know you never will. But I can't keep dying from this. It's killing everything within me. Sucking the life out, leaving gnawing pain. As much as I want to deny this, I can't. I must cut this off at the root. It must stop controlling my life and all that I am.
I forgive you. There, I said it. I don't fully mean it yet. Time. I must give myself time. It's okay that you will never know. The hurt. The years. The pain.
My heart will heal. It will learn to love, to feel, to be passionate.
I love you no matter what.

7:59 PM

0 Falling Stars
Wednesday, November 24, 2004


Tell me what you really mean. Ask me what you want to be known. Show me what you need. I will tell you anything...
if you tell me everything...

Life would be easier if, we, as humans, didn't play mind games. Most of the time, we want to say what we are feeling or what we mean, but we can't; something inside of us holds us back, not letting our mouth formulate the words in a presentable fashion. We are afraid of people's reactions. Even more, we are afraid of the preconceived reactions that we think they will have. We don't want to deal with the effects of our words, no matter how necessary it is. With close friends, we become uncomfortable with a provocative question. We change topics, play the fool, or worse, lie.Does society clone us into this mentality?
Moreover, these mind games come into form between the male and female sexes. Most males claim that females are proffesional mind players and often find themselves confused or misinterpreting "signs". They wish that the woman would just say what she means and wants. This could partially be due to man's lack of creativity, or dumbfoundedness. Yet, when a woman feels threatened, challenged, or confused herself, she feels as if she needs to compete to win "the ball back in her court". Let the games begin. The man is feeling confused so he sends out mixed signals. The woman, perplexed, feels that she needs to contest these signals, and in essence, the communication lines become so tangled, that an argument or a breakdown is usually the way people proceed to fix it.
Allow me to present a solution:
The moment one feels confused,challenged, threatened, etc. why doesn't one just choose to speak their feelings or mind? If one really cares about a certain individual, wouldn't one avoid pandemonium at all costs?
Therefore, the next time you feel any befuddlement, quickly resolve it, for your sake and the sake of everyone elses. It will lead you and your significant other to having less and less altercations because everything is known and out in the open.

7:51 PM

0 Falling Stars
Sunday, November 21, 2004

moi bratik

My brother once said, "If you want to be kind, don't use it against people." If we want to be sincerely nice and benevolent, we can't ask anything in return for it- or else our kindness isn't genuine. Give, not expecting anything in return.
If even a small precentage of the population, applied this mentality to their lives, the world would have positive ramifications. It's almost a radical notion. What? I'm not asking for something in return? It's not all about me! The whole world isn't revolving around me and my needs! Preposterous!
And in that lies the key why society has become so miserable. They are consumed, absorbed,engulfed in themselves. The excess of prosperity has begun to rot within them. Wherein, once, it was freely being given away, now mold and infestation has taken over.
A quote by Leo Buscaglia:
" Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around"
8:15 PM

0 Falling Stars

I don't need you. I'm strong enough by myself. What could you possibly contribute into my life when you have so many of your own problems? I resort to being a listener. I cannot and will not share of myself. Oh, but how I need to trust. The walls. So high. Unpenetrable. I can't get out, and you can't get in. Will I die in here by myself?How can I ever learn to trust. Traumatized into paralysis.
You can't hurt me. I won't let you hurt me. Yet, I am already dying...What am I so scared of? I have nothing left to lose.
I can be strong. I will myself. Be strong. Where can I draw this insatiable strength? I already know...
4:46 PM

0 Falling Stars
Friday, November 05, 2004


More and more I am finding that people are intimidated by someone with high standards. They shrink back, and draw away, having no desire to raise their own measure of living. When someone shares their high standards, and in turn begins to expect the same of you, it shows that they see the potential for growth. They see that this mediocre stage is merely a level to be crossed; a higher path waiting ahead.
Unfortunately, many times those with high standards begin to be labeled as malicious and callous. They are seen as snobby, and unsatisfiable. When in reality, if it weren't for them, where would the world be? In the lowest depths of morality? In a painful moronic state of being?
Therefore, adhere to those who lovingly chastizes you, for they will raise you to live above imbecility.
6:13 PM

0 Falling Stars
Thursday, November 04, 2004


The things that people do for attention! They cross all bounds of rationality, and in turn become a burden and jeopardize those who remotely care for them. Perhaps, it is because the world is divided up into leaders and followers. Leaders carry the world on their shoulders. They must lead the way by example, for others are waiting and relying on them. Leaders are responsible for the Followers. Followers look up to Leaders for advice and in general, help. There are different combinations of Leaders and Followers. Leaders who are extremely individualistic and who have the "it's either my way or no way" mentality usually have a small group or gathering looking up to them. These types of leaders usually have the Followers who truly want to improve their life. Leaders who exude the "i'm so sweet" or "i'm friends with everybody, and they think i'm cool" mentality usually have a larger following but not as personable. Strife and tension between leaders usually results when there is conflict between certain followers switching leaders, or there is personal conflict between leaders.
As for the Followers, there can be different combinations as well. The most dangerous followers are those who are swayed by the wind and follow anything or anyone because it feels good or because they want to be average and follow the majority. These types of followers are very hard to deal with because they are not secure in themselves or their surroundings. Most of these followers cause tension and pain to themselves and others surrounding them when problems arise. One can never know, when they will trade you in for the next thing. Secondly, there are followers who are firm in themselves yet need someone with a stronger personality, perhaps, more charasmatic than them. These followers make good friends, and are easy to mentor. Yet, for a leader the best friend for them is a leader like them. For the most part, leaders and followers have a hard time being friends. It usually turns into a counseling session, or a disipler-disciple relationship, which in turn, only benefits the follower. Yet, when leaders are friends, they draw strength from each other, and grow to be stronger people. True friends, who are both leaders, have the capability for an amazing trust bond to grow. One that can never be broken or corrupted. Between followers and leaders the trust bond is usually a one-way street. The follower completely trusts the leader, but the leader doesn't trust the follower with their own life details. Followers usually can't handle dealing with anybody else's problems but their own. Some followers are amazing listeners, but they always come short of a solid solution, because their solutions fit the "follower's model", something that, leaders ultimately can't use. Hence, goes the age old question, whom to trust? whom to rely on?
2:01 PM

0 Falling Stars
Wednesday, November 03, 2004

personne qui a pris ma bonheur

...and just when you are reveling in that joy, somebody, usually a person close to you, steals it away! In that moment you know that something is not right. Something has been stolen from you; like a thief in the night. You wander back to your room thinking, what just happened? I thought I went down there to eat a meal with some friends, yet, how does one constant person keep on manipulating my kindness?
I resolve...
to let them....
take it away... is free to give...
....and free to take....
9:27 PM

1 Falling Stars
do you have those days when you are elated for no reason? The day is full of stress, nothing makes sense, you are drowning in a sea of problems...yet you can't help but smile. Joy is just exuding from you, and you feel the need to share it with everyone who you see. Some how, possibly with your joy, you can affect their life, or even in a small cosmic way their day. And there are those who reject your joy, but then , there is always that one, who rejoices in your care for them.. live and be loved...
4:17 PM

1 Falling Stars


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