Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Every time I think about him I want to cry, and somewhere in the background I hear screeching violins, and my heart breaking. I want to be with him, but we just can't. I don't trust him with my heart, and I know my heart would never forgive me if I went against it. We believe in different things, we stand for different things, and things that I see as wrong, he doesn't see it that way. I know I would never feel like the leading lady in his life. I would always be wondering who else he was talking to, or if he was thinking about someone else. I can't live like that in insecurity. Why is it that sometimes when you are so close to someone it doesn't mean that it is good for you? I don't want to lose him, but I know I will. But on the other hand, if I don't let go of him, I will never be able to move on. This three year old saga has to come to an end, because even though we have a connection so strong and unique, the insecurity and distrust that I feel poisons the whole thing. I only feel calm when I have put out the flame of feelings in my heart towards him, but at the same time so incredibly sad that we can't be together, and that he isn't meant to be mine forever.1:47 AM
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