I was pondering death and how my aunt's death will affect my mom. It just struck me that she is changed forever. She won't be the same mom that I have always known; and I can't expect her to be. I don't even have any idea what she is really going through. I can only imagine that it's like a piece of your heart being ripped out of you- a place where loving and beautiful memories and feelings were shared- and buried away forever. Of course, time will mend the pain and agony, but you can never regrow that place back in your heart. Wonderful, lasting memories are the balm that forever nurture that sensitive wound. When I came home for winter break, I wrote that everything was so serene and perfect, that I was scared that something awful would happen because life is rarely so wonderful. Second, I was thinking back to the day before my mom left for Russia. We were going from mall to mall looking for a simple, yet touching gift for my aunt. We never found anything-my mom had multiple gifts for everyone, but none for my aunt. I guess she doesn't need them anymore anyways.
I know that one of the most painful things for me, is when I see my mom cry or in pain. I just can't stand it; I try to escape it, and I want to do anything to make her feel better. Yet now, I want her to know that she can cry and that I want to share her pain. I want to take some of the burden off of her shoulders and carry it with her. I just want her to feel that she is so loved and cherished. I thank God for giving me her; why was I privilged to get the best? the most loving? the most selfless? All I can say is Thank You. Ya tebya tak silno lubluu. 11:55 PM 0 Falling Stars
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