I didn't want to pollute the realms of energy with this on Valentines Day, so I held off till now.I usually don't care that much about losing friends. Yes, it sounds awful but this is my philosophy: sometimes life roads run parallel, and then comes a time when they must diverge again. If they must diverge, then so be it. Divergence could be caused by many factors: friends grow apart, a new friend is substituted for a previous existing one, lack of an effort to get together, etc. There is always a future possibility for the paths to cross again though.
So I am rather surprised at myself, that I just can't accept the fact that a friend's path has diverged from mine. I hate to give excessive praise, but finding friends like her is rare: strong, motivated, spiritually aware, etc.
I didn't expect to meet a good friend like her, so when I did I guess I just had high expectations for the friendship, and therein lay my downfall.
I am resolved though-especially after last night. We started chatting on AIM, and she had to tell me to "hold on" about 5 times because she was on the phone with her best friend...and then she came back and said, okay, and I asked her "are you still on the phone?" Frankly, I don't have time for conversations where I am a side addition. As the conversation progressed, my apathetism toward the conversation turned into boredom. Whereas once I would eagerly ask questions to see how her day had been, now I found myself just mechanically feeding the conversation. Needless to say, she ended the conversation with, "I have to go." How typical. Reading over this blog, this situation sounds so trivial, and again, why do I even care? It could possibly be because I've never really had a solid friendship with somebody that was really fulfilling. And yes, this is all superficial, because what I really feel is as though I have been traded in for the "Lyndsey-model." And I for one, am never traded in. Maybe that's what it is. I was traded in, returned, placed back on the shelf.Hmmm.....and that's what I can't stand. Okay, seriously, what does this Lyndsey girl have that I don't? and that is the boggling question. I think another aspect in this situation, is that I can't make the choices; the ball is obviously not in my court, and as of now, i've stopped playing the game. Wow, this feels so stupid. I can't believe I care. Maybe it has something to do with a spirit to spirit connection that I felt. Outwardly, it may seem like I'm in 7th grade unable to cope with a friend situation. The fact is, when truly, good people fall into your life, it is hard to let go12:18 PM 0 Falling Stars
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