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Tuesday, March 22, 2005

My Wish List

I wish i could have a huge, juicy strawberry dipped in chocolate right now
i wish this headache would go away- the continuous throbbing pain is too much right now
I wish that my stomach would function normally and that the acid would chill out and the lining would stop wearing away so I could eat a decent meal without worrying
I wish i could lose 20 pounds- just drop it like that; that would be beyond fantastic
i wish my body was perfect
i wish i was perfect
I wish this load of homework would dissolve into nothingness
I wish Nyssa and Kristin would come out here
i wish i could go back to CA....NOW
i wish i had a tv
i wish i had time for the things i want to do...damn prioritizing
i wish i had a car
i wish that somebody would give me a ride to Kroger so i could buy some FREAKIN shampoo so i would stop taking my roommate's bottle and pouring it into my own when she's at work
i wish i was getting a 4.0...so i didn't have to stress about all of these classes
i wish Dr.Cody wasn't ruining my life
i wish he wouldn't expect anything from me, that he would be the Best Friend i never had
i wish sometimes i was a little more easy going, and didn't process everything, and be difficult and just go with the flow....but then, i would lose who i am...nevermind, scratch that
i wish i had taco bell right now...some nachos- without meat of course, and a nacho cheese chalupa...i LOVE fake bright orange cheese
i wish everybody would leave me alone
i wish i wouldn't feel alone...(i do feel a lot better cuz i have Marina hanging out with me, who is too awesome)
i wish i wasn't pressured, i wish i could go at the pace i feel
i wish i could have it my way, but i can't....and you know what that's okay
i so so so wish i could express what i feel
i wish i could be unashamed of being weak/vulnerable/ insecure...but i can't...that damn Russian pride...it holds you up, and then drowns you...but then again it's me too...it's who i am, how i've been raised, my personality
i wish i could just say whatever i feel, with no reservations
i wish i could take off my damn mask
i yearn for childhood innocence, where i can go back and play in the creek with the boys behind my house
i long for life uninhibited- when the world was perfect, when i would look up at the sky and it was blue, when flowers would amaze me, when i was told this is that, i would believe and not question everything
i wish i could believe
i wish i could stop thinking that people have ulterior motives, or hidden agendas
I wish i wasn't so paranoid that somebody is going to tell other people about my life, about my problems, and then out of the blue somebody random will confront me about it. I guess i'm so paranoid about it because that is one thing you lose control over; when you tell somebody something you don't know if they are going to hide what you say in their hearts, or tell somebody when it could be a good story in a conversation.
i wish crying was okay
i wish i could be what i forsee for my future
i wish i could return to the place where i used to be with God
i wish i could feel His tangible presence again
i wish that i would turn to Him again, i used to turn to Him for everything, ask Him about anything, ask Him about His advice and life wasn't perfect, i had a plethora of problems, but i knew i wasnt alone...that i would never be alone
i wish i could be grateful for everything i have and am given
i wish i could be sweet and caring and loving and gentle all of the time
i wish i had water bottles in my room right now
i wish veronica wouldn't go grocery shopping for christina, because she always buys gross caprisun flavors
i'm happy right now
there is something wonderfully beautiful at being awake at 3 am
6:04 PM

2 Falling Stars

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