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Tuesday, March 22, 2005
I wish i could have a huge, juicy strawberry dipped in chocolate right nowMy Wish List i wish this headache would go away- the continuous throbbing pain is too much right now I wish that my stomach would function normally and that the acid would chill out and the lining would stop wearing away so I could eat a decent meal without worrying I wish i could lose 20 pounds- just drop it like that; that would be beyond fantastic i wish my body was perfect i wish i was perfect I wish this load of homework would dissolve into nothingness I wish Nyssa and Kristin would come out here i wish i could go back to CA....NOW i wish i had a tv i wish i had time for the things i want to do...damn prioritizing i wish i had a car i wish that somebody would give me a ride to Kroger so i could buy some FREAKIN shampoo so i would stop taking my roommate's bottle and pouring it into my own when she's at work i wish i was getting a 4.0...so i didn't have to stress about all of these classes i wish Dr.Cody wasn't ruining my life i wish he wouldn't expect anything from me, that he would be the Best Friend i never had i wish sometimes i was a little more easy going, and didn't process everything, and be difficult and just go with the flow....but then, i would lose who i am...nevermind, scratch that i wish i had taco bell right now...some nachos- without meat of course, and a nacho cheese chalupa...i LOVE fake bright orange cheese i wish everybody would leave me alone i wish i wouldn't feel alone...(i do feel a lot better cuz i have Marina hanging out with me, who is too awesome) i wish i wasn't pressured, i wish i could go at the pace i feel i wish i could have it my way, but i can't....and you know what that's okay i so so so wish i could express what i feel i wish i could be unashamed of being weak/vulnerable/ insecure...but i can't...that damn Russian pride...it holds you up, and then drowns you...but then again it's me too...it's who i am, how i've been raised, my personality i wish i could just say whatever i feel, with no reservations i wish i could take off my damn mask i yearn for childhood innocence, where i can go back and play in the creek with the boys behind my house i long for life uninhibited- when the world was perfect, when i would look up at the sky and it was blue, when flowers would amaze me, when i was told this is that, i would believe and not question everything i wish i could believe i wish i could stop thinking that people have ulterior motives, or hidden agendas I wish i wasn't so paranoid that somebody is going to tell other people about my life, about my problems, and then out of the blue somebody random will confront me about it. I guess i'm so paranoid about it because that is one thing you lose control over; when you tell somebody something you don't know if they are going to hide what you say in their hearts, or tell somebody when it could be a good story in a conversation. i wish crying was okay i wish i could be what i forsee for my future i wish i could return to the place where i used to be with God i wish i could feel His tangible presence again i wish that i would turn to Him again, i used to turn to Him for everything, ask Him about anything, ask Him about His advice and life wasn't perfect, i had a plethora of problems, but i knew i wasnt alone...that i would never be alone i wish i could be grateful for everything i have and am given i wish i could be sweet and caring and loving and gentle all of the time i wish i had water bottles in my room right now i wish veronica wouldn't go grocery shopping for christina, because she always buys gross caprisun flavors i'm happy right now there is something wonderfully beautiful at being awake at 3 am6:04 PM 2 Falling Stars |
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