sometimes, it feels like the only place i can find safety, is here, in my writing. So i saw him. and I offered the branch of peace, and apologized first. Do you know how hard that was for me to do? I don't ever apologize to anyone or anything, and the strange thing is that it was totally a one way street. I was kind of wondering why i didn't get an apology. Not that i came for one. but it struck me as odd; i guess he can't even fathom the extent of how much he hurt me...I thought, if i could just see you it would all be different.It felt like he could care less to see me. For God's sake we talked about the freakin library; i smirked. I did not come all the way up there to have small chat with you, i wanted to have a conversation where i could feel you again. The strange thing is the whole time, i wanted to touch him, or wrap my arms around him. and i thought that was weird. He seemed so disinterested, like he couldn't wait to go to his little mixer. that's fine. just be a man, and tell me straight up to my face that you DON'T WANT ME ANYMORE. do you even want me? And i also kind of feel like all of the blame has been shifted on to me. I believe that this is a tragedy- a conflict between two rights. We are both right to be upset. abefore you couldn't get enough of me; now you hardly give me the time of day. i'm not a whimp, i'm not a pussy, i can take it. just tell me. save me and you the time. I thought that his friends were really cool- easy going, good conversation people, and chill. The surpising thing is that they knew my name, where i went to school, what book i gave him. i'm just thoroughly dissapointed. just tell me you don't want me anymore. i can take it, and it'll be easier on me. It seemed like he didn't even want to be with me. He was more interested about sitting down and chatting then helping me find books- not that i needed or wanted that, but it was profoundly obvious that he didn't want to be with me. When we got into the library, i went to the 9th floor and just sat down in a chair and stared outside, lost in my own thoughts. i could've sat there for hours, but then i heard someone coming out of the elevator and ran into an aisle. I guess i'm done. As much as i want to fix things, i'm not going to try if the person doesn't even want to see me or really talk to me. i wish he would just straight up tell me. i can take it. if you've moved on, it's time for me to do the same.11:54 PM
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