Fleeting Moments

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Since I've alluded to Russia a couple of times now, I might as well explain myself, and it will connect to the rest of my post.
I was born in Sochi, Russia- a small resort city on the Black Sea. It's actually President Putin's favorite place to vacation. During the communist regime, my dad was a Human Rights Activist against the KGB, because of this he was sought out with the intent of imprisoning him. With the help of Amnesty International we left the country as political refugees, and lived in Austria and Italy for about 4 months. We finally traveled to America and settled in California. I was about 2 when we moved to CA, but even as a young child I couldn't fully identify with the American culture; I felt that something was missing. The first time we were able to go back to Russia- I believe I was 8- I remember having this "oh this is what I was missing" feeling come over me and a missing piece of the puzzle to my life was added. I fell head over heels in love with Russia and each time we went back I would feel so fulfilled and right in the place where I felt I was supposed to be.
And I'm going back to Russia THIS SATURDAY.
Naturally, i am ECSTATIC, but it will be different since my aunt died and the loss will be felt, but in a sense it will provide closure for her death.
Anyway, above all else, Russians treasure family. Grandmas, grandpas, uncles, aunts, cousins all live together, and children grow up with a strong sense of unity and community. My brother and I didn't grow up with that because our extended family was still in Russia, so we always had a longing for family and a closeness with friends.
About 3 months ago, my brother was looking for a Russian church to start attending because he is even more in love with Russian culture than I am. He wanted to have roots and be surrounded by Russians. He decided to visit a Russian church that we used to go to when we first came to America. The people in that church were so kind, and helped our family establish ourselves in this new country.
He slowly started telling me great things about the young people, and I began to see how he himself was changing for the better. He became alive, vibrant, energetic, and excited to participate in the church. I had never really seen him like this before. Naturally, that made me even more eager to visit this new found place.

Friday, I woke up, and a stray thought passed through my head: " I'm kind of ready to go back to college and regain my independence."
The day passed, and my brother and I decided to drive down to their church.
As I was going to sleep at 2am later that night, i thought: "wow, how unfortunate that i live in Georgia now. but wait...wasn't i just thinking the opposite 6 hours ago?!"
I was in shock. I still can't believe it. I clicked amazingly with those people. I had SO much fun, like I haven't had in a long time. It was as if I returned to old friends, catching up with them, laughing my face off, and just enjoying myself. Honestly, I forgot about EVERYTHING- that i live in GA, what i'm majoring in, etc. All I could think about was, where have I been all of these years?! So i went to sleep, and thought WOW, that was amazing. Today, I went to a birthday party where these same people and more were present as well. Let me tell ya, I had EVEN MORE FUN.
Most of you don't know me personally, but I am pretty introverted, not overwhelmingly shy but to an extent, and large social situations make me anxious and tense. I felt none of that these past two days. I just clicked with these people- and that does NOT happen often with me. It takes me forever to open up, be free with people I don't know.
And now, I seriously am regretting that I have to go back to Georgia. Not that Georgia and school are bad, but I just know what I will be missing out here. It makes me want to transfer to UC Berkeley, and move to Pacifica,CA. Then again there must be a reason for why things happened the way they did.
I don't know, I just think about school and how last year i felt so lonely and i was spiritually practically dead and nothing could revive me. Here, just being around these people is making me alive. And i know I have the whole summer yet, but still I want to develop deep friendships and the closeness and family i've been looking for my whole life has been freely dropped at my feet! In two days, i feel closer to these people than in a whole year at school with others.
I left CA because I thought I needed to start a new life and that CA had nothing left to offer me. Funny, one of the things I've been looking for my whole life has been right under my nose. Even when people ask me where I go to school/what I do, I find it silly hearing myself say that I live in GA. Almost as if, "who me? naww, i don't live there silly. Wait, you're right...I do!?! but...but...noooo" And then I ask myself, "Masha, WHY did you drop yourself at the other end of the country again?!" I guess i'm just gonna have to pray and ask God what his plan is for my future year, and realize that I am not alone over there, because He will be watching for me and He will establish me. But, still, I want to stayyyyy.....

9:28 PM

2 Falling Stars