Sunday, July 31, 2005
"Wow. Marriage," Devin exclaimed. "When did all of this happen?? And why didn't you tell me before?"Cafe Intermezzo III
"I knew I would be in town, so I wanted to tell you in person." There had been so many unspoken things that she had wanted to tell him. To tell him how much she adored him. To tell him how perfect they were for each other, and that the best moments of her life were when she was with him.
Fiona thought back to the time when she had first met Devin. She remembered looking straight into his eyes and capturing each shade of color in them. At that moment nothing else had existed. It was just the two of them standing still, while the world moved about them in motion. At 15, she didn't know what was happening to her or what she was experiencing. Gentle feelings and thoughts began to grow in her like a pearl in an oyster shell, and she couldn't get enough of that warm feeling that crawled from her heart to the rest of her body every time she would see Devin.
She had never experienced love before, but this was unmistakably it. Yet, she knew that it would be a while before Devin noticed her. So, for now, this love was hers, entrusted to her to keep and nurture.
As she grew older and developed a closer friendship with Devin, it seemed as though he began to notice her less and less. He had dated practically all of her friends, and not once ever considering her. She would never forget how tormented those years were. What was wrong with her? Was she not pretty enough? Did he want someone skinnier? Why did he not want her? Oh, if he only knew.
She remembered how he had once confided in her about Beth, his girlfriend at the time. He perplexingly explained how he didn't understand why she wouldn't call him back, and why it was that all of the sudden after 9 months she was hiding things from him. Fiona would caringly listen, all the while thinking how he had no idea that there was someone madly in love with him sitting right beside him. She wanted to call him everyday. She wanted to know everything about him, see every picture that had him in it. It took all of her energy to supress the feelings that she felt for him.
Why had she supressed her feelings? Because she was old-fashioned. She didn't chase after boys; and if something was meant to be, then it would happen. As much as she wanted this, she didn't want to get in the way of destiny. What if she had told him, or manipulated the situation somehow? She knew she would regret it years to come, that it had been her who had joined their life paths, and not destiny. But how long could she really wait?
~*~
Melinda was the last straw. Of course she had known Melinda, being that Melinda was one of her closest friends. On top of that, for some reason all of Fiona's and Devin's mutual friends had thought that Melinda and Devin's relationship would lead to marriage. It was then that Fiona had realized that she needed to let go of this extravagant fantasy that she had built. Let go?! HOW?! She knew she never would until either she or Devin would get married. Only when it would be set in stone, when it would be written "till death do us part", would she acknowledge that it wasn't meant to be for them. She would be leaving town for the next 3 years for graduate school anyway. A long distance relationship definitely wouldn't work; when they were both in the same town nothing happened, let alone being separated by miles. He was currently all wrapped up in Melinda anyway . Although she secretly hoped and prayed that this was just another phase, and hopefully this would be the last one that would finally bring Devin to her.1:05 PM 4 Falling Stars
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