Thursday, August 11, 2005
Yes, they do. I've made a couple observations over the past few days, mainly coming from the guy in the previous story. Yeah, and that dinner date isn't going to work out after all.Do good guys finish last?
What happens to good guys when they grow up? They become the geeks of the dating world; having one too many failed dating attempts under their belt, they jump at any girl who has a decent conversation with them. And when all else fails, they go for the girls who are 10 years younger than them. You should be confident enough to get a woman your age. Enough said.
These guys are friendly and nice, and naturally you are going to be likewise. Yet, a colossal mistake is always made. Your friendliness somehow becomes construed as flirting and a chance to ask out a girl who they would otherwise not even dream of. You open a window, and they shove a foot in it. Now, yes, granted, there are girls who can't do anything but flirt, but normal people should be able to manage a harmless conversation without thinking too into it.
So, they ask this girl out, and she initially thinks,"Hey, why not? No harm in getting to know another person." It's the couple of days before the date that the guy crashes and burns. First, what's up with the bulk sized text-messages? Apologies for idiosyncracies in previous conversations, and useless questions that take up texting space tend to be the most popular for some reason. Second, just because she said yes to ONE dinner with you does NOT mean that you are dating. It's like they're ready to bring you home to momma already. And you know what? That's why other guys your age are already married and established. Women want to see a guy who has a life of his own. Where he has to make time for you because you are that important to him. Not someone, who is showering you with compliments and jumping up and down all around you because you said okay to one date. How can a woman be intrigued when you've solved the mystery for her in 1,000 text messages and your suffocating hype? As tempting as it is to tell your life story in one sitting- hold that thought for later.
And this is the clincher. What do you think you're doing trying to get a date with her before the actual dinner?! "How about lunch?" "Oh, I just had a few minutes to stop by..." "You work here? I had no idea. What a great coincidence." Don't be surprised if she re-thinks that original date with you. Women want to be with someone who doesn't suffocate them to the point of annoyance. If you are annoying, you will NEVER have a chance....with anyone....ever. Think about it, if you are already annoying and it's only been a couple of days, what are you going to be like, say, 5 years from now? Now, we all know you were just excited, but please, keep your testosterone levels under control.
I've thought of a couple positive comments that will help those good guys get a date AND keep it:
-TRY to be casual; getting all worked up doesn't make anybody feel comfortable
-resist the urge to profusely call/text message; make her wonder what YOU are up to
- hang in there till the day of the actual date arrives; don't try these mini-get togethers before;it makes it seem as though there is nothing else going on in your life
- don't embarrass her at work by a) showing up more than once b) asking her co-workers where she went AND then following after her c)hanging around there, winking at her, throwing out unprofessional innuendos at her. This is her professional world. Double-check if she even invited you into it.
If you've reached this point and she still hasn't backed out of the date:
- RELAX. Remember, she's here because it was her choice. She didn't say at the last minute," Me and my ex got back together last night, so dinner isn't going to work out."
-DON'T start the date off by telling her how nervous you were, and how you didn't think she would come, and how you are actually sweating right now as you speak. Why not start with, How was your day? Easy, simple, and gets things rolling right away.
-Don't be somebody you're not. In other words, if you like japanese cartoons that's okay. I mean, don't pollute the whole evening by just talking about them, but remember your hobbies and interests is what makes you as a person a)interesting and b)unique.
-Listen. Let her talk. There is nothing worse than a guy who doesn't ever shut up.
-If she or you disagrees on something, that's okay. Don't try to win somebody over with your arguement because you just know that yours is right. And you don't have to cave into agreeing with her. If you can hold your own, she'll respect you for that.
-Don't ask for anything more than dinner. A girl can sniff out expectations within 30 seconds of the start of your date. Now, if the date is going so well that there is mutual agreement well then...hooray! But remember, initially, all you asked for was dinner, and you should respect her enough to not pressure for anything else. Trust me, she'll be coming back for more.7:07 PM 7 Falling Stars
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