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Thursday, March 31, 2005

Do i push myself too hard? Do i reach for goals, that are possibly unattainable? Is it even worth it? For the majority of my young life, so far I have nothing to show for myself: i haven't written a book, i quit horseback riding, i'm currently on a hiatus in my piano studies, i have no accomplishments from high school. And now, i want to win the world. I want to become an elite diplomat, i want to go to an amazing graduate school, i want to get my Master's in law, i want to be the best. But can i really have all of that? or am i in denial about these dreams? do i possess capabilites to get into Harvard? Can i be amazing? Sometimes i'm just not sure if i live in reality enough. I mean, i've never been so stressed in my life, and maybe that is a blessing. The fact that i never stressed about anything in high school was probably a four year break preparing me for the rest of my life. I'm constantly worrying about my performance. Should i just stop, because perhaps it could all be a big let down? Or should i run full speed towards my goals, no matter how unattainable they seem. I don't know if i've really dreamed. Dreams are things you have to work for. i never had to work for anything in my life, it was either a gift, a talent i possessed, or it wasn't worth it. And here, i'm not just shooting for the stars, I'm like shooting for the 10th planet, Pluto's sister or something. is it really okay to be content with where you are? But if i stay content i might never become great. I just want to relax. I want to have no worries. What if i become a nobody? i just want to know that everything will be okay. in sincere way. I hate it when people tell you, " but you're so smart. you're going to be successful. don't worry about anything." Those are the people who will always be content and mediocre. Their praise is empty- empty words, that fall to the ground. How do i learn to possess all that life holds, and yet not kill myself while finding it?
6:23 PM

2 Falling Stars

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