i'm doing better. A lot better...still a little lonely, wishing i was in SF, but hey that's only 6 weeks away. I might drive my car out to CA at the end of the semester so that's a possible road trip on the horizon. The France trip is slowly coming together...i hope i get the funds I need. I'm going to see my mom on Thursday for about an hour, since she has a lay over in Atlanta for a couple of hours. I'm really looking forward to that. Honestly, I would love to just fly out to SF for one weekend since I didn't really get a spring break....I have some stuff going on in my mind still, and I hope it'll kind of blow over..I'm sure it will.
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I drove to Publix to get a sandwich and some broccoli and cheese (frozen) all so that I wouldn't have to go to the cafeteria and sit by myself under the florescent lights, munch on a tuna sandwich and feel ridiculous. Sometimes I think most of my friends are lame, but then it might be me? or both?
I don't even know what I'm waiting for...what i'm living for? You can be surrounded by all of the opportunities and be completely lost. Not that i am completely lost, but I do feel a bit anonymous. And I know you have to put yourself out there, take the plunge, take the chance and not wait for someone to support you or prod you on. And it's not that I can't do anything, because I can. I can put my mind to whatever it is I want to do, and I will do it, and do it well. But what's the point if you're anonymous.
I guess I just really miss my mom. Because she is one of the only people in this 6 billion person world who thinks that I am so valuable and amazing. Sure, i'm slightly fantasizing, because our different personalities do sometimes rub each other the wrong way, and we say things we don't mean, but in the end I love having someone who i can say anything too. I mean she pretty much knows everything, and to top it off she is one of the few people, if the only person who has seen me cry..and trust me it took a while to get there. Gosh, since when have I become such a ball of sap. I used to be so stoic and rigid, and nothing would get to me, and i wouldn't be emotional blah blah blah but i've embraced the fact that i am human and nothing more. And i'm learning day by day that i am far from complete and being a finished product, but that i have much to learn and explore.3:17 PM 0 Falling Stars
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