Fleeting Moments

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So today my little blog turns 2 years old...a baby by human age, but in reality an old wise soul who has kept me company in the most turbulent years of my life. For that, I am extremely grateful that I found it, or that it found me. It was touch and go for a few months where I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep it up anymore, but it has proven itself to be of very high value. It is more than just a diary, it is a long trail with landmarks reminding me of the person i was, even if I can't recognize her anymore. I was reading over the past two years, and it was interesting to see how much my writing voice has changed. It began as formulaic full of stuffy words, and then when the breakdowns came, the writing changed. Now, it is more of a stream of consciousness. The writing voice does project the change that I have become. No longer stiff, no longer worried about perfection, but free to be silly, free to have a stupid post. Another thing i must note, is that during the first year, the writing is so depressing. I must have been one depressed girl! And then all of the family deaths started, and the emotion changed from depression, to a hollow stare at a faceless hunter. That hunter was death; I couldn't evade it, I couldn't shrugg it off; it poisoned me, and I found myself rotting and unable to stop. But a beautiful thing always happens to the living. Death can't hold you down; just when it thinks it has gotten the best of you, when you don't know why you are alive, why you are still living, one day you wake up and say to yourself, "I choose to step out of this. I leave it behind me." The living always have a choice. And like a snake shedding it's first skin, you metamorphasize into something new, and at that beautiful. A flower dies, only to bloom stronger. A caterpillar becomes a butterfly so he can fly and be free. Death, and all of the emotions attached to loosing someone, purifies you. It strips the unnecessary, and leaves you with the essentials. But amidst my wandering and confusion, amidst the depression, my blog leaves me with hope. Hope for humanity--that it can change for the better. That people have a choice to change and be wonderful, and live to the fullest, and love lavishly. I have changed, and I am changing for the better. Life waits for no one, so you either take it on full force, or you resign to flowing aimlessly, essentially becoming invisible. So, to my little blog, Happy Birthday! And thank you for healing me and being there for me. I look forward to many more experiences.

12:38 AM

1 Falling Stars