Sunday, October 15, 2006
Written by hand last night: I just had a late dinner by myself. At my friend's house. It's strange, the house is empty except for me, but I'm the stranger not the house. Dinner in stranger's houses, doing my laundry in their laundry machine. It's nice that they open their house in this way, but, the feeling is completely odd. I would rather like to see them here. I'm lonely. 3,000 miles away on the other side of the country my brother is having a birthday party with our closest friends. And where am I? Sitting in a stranger's house...alone. Actually it's KT Tunstall's " Eye to the Telescope" that's keeping me company. Thank god for it. The CDs great, maybe even more so since I'm having such a transcedental experience.what does it take to get some company?
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I began writing that last night, by hand since on top of being alone, their internet didn't work. They came home shortly after I finished that paragraph. I wish I could've kept writing. I really had some things to say.
I do like to write. And the dream of being a writer helps me lead a very romantic life. At least in my mind. And I guess when I do get unbearably lonely i just remind myself that is the plight of an artist. Deep feelings, such as loneliness, send you to a well of deep feeling and experience. From there you find your jewels.
Nevertheless, I do have two things bouncing around in my mind.
The First:
You know, when sometimes getting up doesn't seem worth it. Or thoughts such as "would it be that bad if I died" seep into your mind. Or when you think that you can't go on one more day. You have to. And i'll tell you why. Somewhere around the world it is somebody's birthday. A woman who has just beat cancer celebrates one more year. A little boy in a destitute village gets a toy car. A woman, who has been cheated on and left with three children forever, realizes that it does get better with every year. A man, struggling with a heart condition, smiles that he gets to celebrate one more year. It is for those people that you must go on. To celebrate every day because somewhere a birthday is happening, and you get to be a part of it by remembering that it is so.Don't let your soul die on someone's birthday.
The Second:
I want to be an angel. No, not the type with wings. But, lately i've realized that I'm surrounded by angels in the body of human beings. You know, the people you meet by chance in an airplane, in a grocery store, and you have an above average conversation with them, while in the back of your memory you know that you'll never see them again. How do you really know that those people weren't angels sent to you? To provoke your thoughts, mind, heart? Or when you lose contact with a person, could it be that was just an angel in your life for a certain time? My point is that angels always bring something good into your life. They are those people who you know are watching out for you, for your well being, and at that moment that you need them most, they know to come without you asking them. So, i want to be that type of angel. 4:07 PM 1 Falling Stars
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